Stupid, Maybe. Great Way to Die, Definitely.

Here’s a topic we normal people often love to ask ourselves, “How am I gonna die?” It’s such a fun topic, I often digress into the myriad ways it could happen. Maybe a ninja will get stabbed in the heart, fall out of the 17th story of a skyscraper and its body will hit me, and it’ll make a pretty pattern on the pavement. Afterwards, I went on Tinder and got pissed off that almost every profile’s full of selfies. That sent me spiraling towards the type of questions, we normal people, often ponder, “What’s the best way to die?”

Disclaimer: I neither promote taking selfies or dying, I’m just saying.

There’s millions of ways one can die, though chances are, it’ll be of heart disease or cancer — shitty, shitty ways to go… Unless you get a heart attack, it’s likely a long painful death as your health decays and you become but a shadow of who you were. Sadly, that’s how millions of us will die.

Now let’s consider the ideal way to die. It’s gotta be unexpected, and fast ,and better if living it up, like on vacation, because who wants to die on a Monday at work? That’s what makes the vacation “killfie” such a great way to die! Lemme paint if or you. You’re on vacation, walking a trail with beautiful sights all around. You’ve been at it for hours and you finally reach the summit. At last! How proud you are of yourself. You think to yourself: “I’m such a bad ass that I gotta show the world!” You walk toward the edge of the mountain and whip your phone out to take a selfie. In fitting your smile in with the backdrop behind, you try to fit in the tiny waterfall in the corner, but you trip and fall. Falling off a mountain, it takes a second for you to register what just happened. Anyways, You get one last roller coaster-like ride, free falling before your body smacks the ground or some large rock on the way. When that happens, your aorta rips loose from your heart, cells are burst open and blood vessels are shreded, but you’re dead so you don’t give a f… In the case you’re the type of person, that’s all “Oh no, I’m gonna die!” Then that sucks because you chose not to enjoy every minute of life. YOLO goddamnit!

Some call this type of a death a stupid way to die. They mustn’t of heard of an even stupider way to die — getting hit by someone taking a selfie. That or a drunk driver. Now, those are stupid ways to die. That’s like “WTF, I have to die because some dumb ass forgot to grab their common sense when they left home?” Falling to your death may be stupid, but it happens because of their own doing. They dropped out on a high note before the coming existential shit storm called global warming, famine, refugee and plastic crises could reach them. So yeah… Stupid way to die, sure, but a great way to die nonetheless!