Proof That French Class Is A Waste Of Time
Dear French period classmates,
It’s me from 12 years in the future. I know what you’re thinking, “Why am I here in school, listening to someone force French down my ears?” I’ve spent the last decade wondering why they made me do the same. I thought it was a waste of time then. In the years since then, I’ve learned several languages fluently and I can attest that French class truly was a waste of time. So I’m sorry you must sit there. Hopefully, you won’t become the bitter Frenchophobe that French class turned me into. Despite the agony, I’m one of the successes, in that I don’t hate French anymore. On the contrary; I speak it better than before, and it only took a decade of forgetting French class to do so! If you’re like most kids learning something in school because it’s a requirement, French class, English, Spanish, whatever — it’s a waste of time. In fact, it’s probably doing more harm than good and I’ll share why.
French class was (and likely still is) impractical. Especially if you grow up in the States, you’ll likely never need any language other than English. I never needed French for the decade after graduating, not until I quit my career and hitchhiked through France. So unless the teacher teaches practical uses for French, no kids gonna learn it out of boredom while there are shiny screens around. I had bullying and World of Warcraft to worry and daydream about, not some fucking conjugation table or worksheet with grammar rules to memorize. Not even French people learn French that way, why do schools think bored kids will? If we don’t need it and it’s as boring as math class, how can they expect us to learn it?
Parents and teachers need better incentives if they expect us to stay motivated in French class. Despite their telling us we’ll be able to travel to France and use it, let’s be real, we’re not gonna do that after high school because you convince us we need to go to college. We won’t go after college either because you convince us we need to get a job and start a career. By then, we’ve forgotten everything you shoved down our throats, so that when we finally go somewhere they speak French, well, there’s Google Translate.
If your school truly wanted you to learn French, they’d either convince you you need it or make it fun. The teacher may have you write a list of topics that interest you and have you read articles or forums on that topic, then come back with words and phrases you didn’t understand. For homework, for you gamers, the teacher could task you to play online on French-speaking channels and come back with new phrases to dissect. Instead, you’re gonna learn a long list of words and rules that you’ll never use once the exam’s over. If schools were smart, they’d make learning the subject the reward. Instead, our teachers reward us with candy, pizza days, or irrelevant prizes for doing well as if French people will do the same for us once our teachers are gone. And praising us when we perform well on tests is like praising a duck destined to a foie-gras container for growing plump after you force-feed it — it’s pointless. Bottom line, the ways teachers praise, incentivize, and reward don’t work
French class ensures that you won’t learn French either because schools require you to be correct, above all else. When you take a test and write a perfectly understandable sentence, you’ll still get marked down for incorrect spelling or grammar. So say you do accidentally learn something in class and you find yourself somewhere you can use it, you won’t because school killed your confidence by penalizing you for small mistakes. The prawblem lyes in that despait u understand thiss sntnce, skools demand u be correkt, but laif demends u bee anderstud. I was so timid to speak French the first opportunity I had, that all I could muster was a fluent response telling him that despite twelve years of schooling, I can’t speak French. I was more self-conscious about not making mistakes, hence that conversation died as quickly as a rat dropped in acid…
French class isn’t just a waste of time, but it’s harmful because it distorts your view of the French. I’m one of the lucky ones because I neither hate nor ostracize them anymore. I grew up in a culture that values manly things, like big cars, guns, and sports that cause concussions, hence I don’t get why they force-fed us French. Most Amurricans don’t even go abroad; they see only what’s in their bubble, what’s on TV, and many are xenophobic to immigrants, despite having descended from immigrants. I wonder if this xenophobia is because of obligatory foreign language classes, or is it why we suck at languages. Upon graduating, I wasn’t spared by this ignorant condescension. For the longest time, I believed the French were baguette eating, beret-wearing pussies with girly accents who surrendered whenever there was a war. Then I left the USA, met French people, traveled through France, and saw that they’re normal people like you and I. Now I’m convinced that they’re all skinny because the food’s so expensive, but at least I get why they all eat baguettes — ‘cause they’re fucking good!
Despite all the tools at their disposal, the school system has made learning French as boring as memorizing Pi and possibly as harmful to our psyches as caning was. I’m one of the rare ones because I now enjoy learning French. I had to whitewash all memories of French class away to find enjoyment and learn for myself how valuable languages are to a traveler seeking adventure. For that, I had to whitewash everything my culture taught me about education, career, and success, but that’s a different story…
So despite your anger at the subject, please know that it’s the school and your teachers, not the language, culture, or people that you’re bitter and frustrated at. Besides, soon enough, you’ll graduate and forget all about this as they convince you to go into debt, to go to a college, to learn a skill, you likely won’t use to get a job to pay off your debts. Believe me, the frustration of memorizing useless conjugation tables, and word banks will be the least of your troubles then!
